He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
