i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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