I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
