Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
