if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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