I want to stick my p in your. b.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
