im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
