Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
