I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
