Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
