There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
