That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
