you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
