totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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