Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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