My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
