I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
