I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
