So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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