ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
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