Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
