I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
