I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
