i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
