Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
