Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
