Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
