the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
