You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
