Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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