wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
