Just fell off a train. Bad.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
