If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
