Umm I'm too high to move.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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