he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
