if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
