the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
