just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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