from now on my penis is your penis
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
