apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
