I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
