She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
