youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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