she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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