I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
