I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
