Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
