I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
