just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Operation Purity has been aborted
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
