I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
