Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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