just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
