sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
