dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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