take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
