I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
im calling her cock vulture from now on
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
