Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
