i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
