If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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