Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
