That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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