Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
