if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
